He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
