the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
