Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
