It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
