Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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