the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
