Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
