she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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