My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
