sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
