I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
