Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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