This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my poor anus
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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