420 ftw
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
