Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
