you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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