He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
