Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
false alarm, still single
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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