I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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