is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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