remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she looked like the before picture.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
