It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
