Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that's an acceptable place to lick
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
