David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
