i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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