that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
