Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
