I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
