So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
