What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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