fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
