I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
