I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
