Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
