who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
