is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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