My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
