sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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