Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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