Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
