Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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