im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
