Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
