We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
