you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
