I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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