Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
