Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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