I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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