getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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